Welcome to the Class!

Put your books away, take out a number two pencil and shut up. I'm Professor Alex, or Mr. Alex or if you insist on being 'cool' Mr. A.

I realize that I'm older than you so I won't bother explaining things in detail, since you most likely won't bother listening in the first place. So here it is, in a nut shell.

The syllabus for this class will be the subject of Life, or Life 101. It's a class you won't find in any standard curriculum at any other school, for various political and sensitive reasons. After all, if your school taught you what you really needed to know, to survive and thrive outside of the classroom, they wouldn't have any way to test it via A) B) C) D) or E).

Here you're going to be handed tools, things you can use in the future, things your parents might not have told you, things your school can't mention for fear of legal action or politicians yanking their budget money. A tool is something practical that you can use and find NEW uses for as you become experienced with things.

We are also going to be covering a varying degree of subjects that have no other use than to amuse your brain meats in the wee hours of the morning, or while daydreaming in the classroom. Some of them will be subjective, moralistic, up for personal interpretation or down right raunchy. Feel free to raise your hand if you have a question or if you want to unburden yourself of some inane anecdote.

I have one rule in this classroom and I expect you to live with it. In here I'm the boss, a tyrant without equal and you will abide by my every whim or deal with the consequences. There will be no whining, crying or cursing in a boring and unoriginal manner. I enjoy a good turn of phrase as much as the next cuntmonkey, but if I feel like you've stepped over the limit (or under expectation) don't be surprised if your comment is deleted. There is no appeal, deal with it.

Great! For the rest of this class put your head down on the desk, hands in your lap and think pleasant thoughts till the bell.

---